Saturday, August 21, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Your Prayers Were Answered
What bothered me the most about Michael's death was the fact that I did not know where Michael was spending eternity.
I had hoped that Michael was going to answer my letter saying that it had helped him see the truth and he had made the right decision. Since that did not happen, I felt like I would have to spend the rest of my life afraid of the possibility that when I got to Heaven I would not find him. I needed to know now!
I had just bought a movie called "Escape from Hell" which is about a doctor that does not believe in Hell. When his father unexpectedly dies, he wants to know where his father is because he is having nightmares of seeing his father burning in Hell. For the doctor to find out, he puts himself into a coma. After getting a glimpse of Heaven and Hell an angel comes to him and says, "Your father is with us and he loves you like your Heavenly Father does." The doctor wakes up and then gets saved.
I needed a sign or a message from God saying that my prayers and my letter had done what they were suppose to do.
I knew that life did not run like it does in the movies but if that doctor could get his answers, why couldn't I have mine?
The following Sunday, during praise and worship at church, when a song started named "We Cry Out", my fear came to my mind again and when a part came that said, "we rely on your grace," my tears started pouring. The thought came to my mind that God was real merciful but he would not break his own rules by letting someone into Heaven that was not saved.
I went up to the front of the crowd, sat down, and kept on crying as the song went on.
Near the end of the song a woman, that I had never seen before, came up to me and said,"God wants you to know that your prayers were answered." When she walked back into the crowd, my fear started leaving.
I know that message was from God because I did not know that woman, and she did not know me or what my problem was. I also know that God speaks through different people.
It also caused me to believe that despite Ian Halperin's not so promising description of Michael's final days, and despite what others might say, there must have been a time when Michael had cried out to God and was able to get saved sometime before he died.
Maybe the day before he died when I made myself a stuffed dolphin and the employee at the booth told me to make a wish to place inside the dolphin before it was closed. What I had wished for was that Michael would get saved.
I also believe that Michael is in Heaven because if he was not, God would not have sent me that message.
There is also the fact that I loved Michael very much. Life does not run the way it does in the movies, but there is one thing they show that is definetly true. Love is the most powerful force, it conquers everything thing, and it never fails as it says in the Bible in 1Corinthians 13:7.
I am absolutely sure that the day I step into Heaven I will find him, like I had hoped, and that we are going to be what I had always believed we would be if we had ever met, "The best of friends, forever." I can't wait for that day.
I had hoped that Michael was going to answer my letter saying that it had helped him see the truth and he had made the right decision. Since that did not happen, I felt like I would have to spend the rest of my life afraid of the possibility that when I got to Heaven I would not find him. I needed to know now!
I had just bought a movie called "Escape from Hell" which is about a doctor that does not believe in Hell. When his father unexpectedly dies, he wants to know where his father is because he is having nightmares of seeing his father burning in Hell. For the doctor to find out, he puts himself into a coma. After getting a glimpse of Heaven and Hell an angel comes to him and says, "Your father is with us and he loves you like your Heavenly Father does." The doctor wakes up and then gets saved.
I needed a sign or a message from God saying that my prayers and my letter had done what they were suppose to do.
I knew that life did not run like it does in the movies but if that doctor could get his answers, why couldn't I have mine?
The following Sunday, during praise and worship at church, when a song started named "We Cry Out", my fear came to my mind again and when a part came that said, "we rely on your grace," my tears started pouring. The thought came to my mind that God was real merciful but he would not break his own rules by letting someone into Heaven that was not saved.
I went up to the front of the crowd, sat down, and kept on crying as the song went on.
Near the end of the song a woman, that I had never seen before, came up to me and said,"God wants you to know that your prayers were answered." When she walked back into the crowd, my fear started leaving.
I know that message was from God because I did not know that woman, and she did not know me or what my problem was. I also know that God speaks through different people.
It also caused me to believe that despite Ian Halperin's not so promising description of Michael's final days, and despite what others might say, there must have been a time when Michael had cried out to God and was able to get saved sometime before he died.
Maybe the day before he died when I made myself a stuffed dolphin and the employee at the booth told me to make a wish to place inside the dolphin before it was closed. What I had wished for was that Michael would get saved.
I also believe that Michael is in Heaven because if he was not, God would not have sent me that message.
There is also the fact that I loved Michael very much. Life does not run the way it does in the movies, but there is one thing they show that is definetly true. Love is the most powerful force, it conquers everything thing, and it never fails as it says in the Bible in 1Corinthians 13:7.
I am absolutely sure that the day I step into Heaven I will find him, like I had hoped, and that we are going to be what I had always believed we would be if we had ever met, "The best of friends, forever." I can't wait for that day.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
A Tragic Day
When you are praying for someone so hard and long you expect that God will answer in his own way and own time, but he does not do what you expect, and it hits you harder than you ever thought it would, especially when you really did believe that God always does what is right. You also begin to doubt that God cared about this person or even for their family. We just have to trust that God knows what he is doing and what he does is for the best.
The great Christian author C.S. Lewis states in his book Christian Reflections, "Whether by granting or denying God will give us the best, and not a promise that we will get exactly what we ask for."
Another death was the last thing I ever wanted to experience when Michael died because three months earlier, one of the other masters students unexpectedly died from AIDS even though we prayed multiple times and even fasted for him to be healed.
I did not know him very well but I took it harder than I ever thought I would.
On the week that Michael died I was on vacation at Fort Lauterdale, Florida. The first few days had been spent having great times on the beach, going out to eat, and shopping.
June 25th was a day I had been looking forward to at first because it was my parents anniversary. My brother and I were going to eat pizza and watch The Three Stooges together while they went out.
When the cardiac arrest was announced on the News I was in our hotels' workout room with my mom. I was listening to Michael's Dangerous Album when my eyes suddenly fixed on the TV.
When the report was over, I spent the rest of my workout praying. When we got back to our hotel room I locked myself in my room, flopped on my bed, and prayed even more.
A short time later, I started calling my friends, who knew about my mission, and asked them to start praying too. Then one called back and told me that Michael was dead. I was afraid to go to bed that night because the last reports about Michael's spiritual beliefs had not been to promising. I thought that when I closed my eyes I would see the flames and hear Michael screaming.
I had spent the rest of the day and the rest of the vacation watching the News and crying, "Why did you let this happen, God?"
I was heartbroken. I had always believed that if I kept on praying everything would suddenly turn around. Michael was suddenly going to stop with the drugs and completely recover and become strong by eating more often. I just wanted Michael to stay alive so he could see his kids grow up. A pleasure not very many celebrities get to have.
When Michael had been interviewed by Ebony magazine in November, 2007 he had said himself that he did not want to make the same fatal mistake that James Brown did. Which was wasting himself away on his work at a time he should have been making sure that he was healthy enough to perform. But I believe that was what happened anyway.
This was the last thing I wanted to happen and I began to think that all my praying and everything else I had done, for the past six years had not been good enough. Though I knew that it was all I could do and I also knew that I should be grateful God had allowed me to do more things than just pray at least 20 times a day. Such as write him a letter and put my video to him on You Tube.
The great Christian author C.S. Lewis states in his book Christian Reflections, "Whether by granting or denying God will give us the best, and not a promise that we will get exactly what we ask for."
Another death was the last thing I ever wanted to experience when Michael died because three months earlier, one of the other masters students unexpectedly died from AIDS even though we prayed multiple times and even fasted for him to be healed.
I did not know him very well but I took it harder than I ever thought I would.
On the week that Michael died I was on vacation at Fort Lauterdale, Florida. The first few days had been spent having great times on the beach, going out to eat, and shopping.
June 25th was a day I had been looking forward to at first because it was my parents anniversary. My brother and I were going to eat pizza and watch The Three Stooges together while they went out.
When the cardiac arrest was announced on the News I was in our hotels' workout room with my mom. I was listening to Michael's Dangerous Album when my eyes suddenly fixed on the TV.
When the report was over, I spent the rest of my workout praying. When we got back to our hotel room I locked myself in my room, flopped on my bed, and prayed even more.
A short time later, I started calling my friends, who knew about my mission, and asked them to start praying too. Then one called back and told me that Michael was dead. I was afraid to go to bed that night because the last reports about Michael's spiritual beliefs had not been to promising. I thought that when I closed my eyes I would see the flames and hear Michael screaming.
I had spent the rest of the day and the rest of the vacation watching the News and crying, "Why did you let this happen, God?"
I was heartbroken. I had always believed that if I kept on praying everything would suddenly turn around. Michael was suddenly going to stop with the drugs and completely recover and become strong by eating more often. I just wanted Michael to stay alive so he could see his kids grow up. A pleasure not very many celebrities get to have.
When Michael had been interviewed by Ebony magazine in November, 2007 he had said himself that he did not want to make the same fatal mistake that James Brown did. Which was wasting himself away on his work at a time he should have been making sure that he was healthy enough to perform. But I believe that was what happened anyway.
This was the last thing I wanted to happen and I began to think that all my praying and everything else I had done, for the past six years had not been good enough. Though I knew that it was all I could do and I also knew that I should be grateful God had allowed me to do more things than just pray at least 20 times a day. Such as write him a letter and put my video to him on You Tube.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Masters Commission
Things were now the other way around, I was getting yelled at by not only haters, but fans too. Fans who did not understand what I was really trying to do, were saying that I was doing the last thing I intended to do.
The fans were saying that Michael already knew the truth, and that I was accusing him when I mentioned things that were true, like the fact that Michael's life was being controlled by Satan. My intentions were to show Michael the truth not to accuse or judge him. Not everyone that reads this book will understand what I am talking about either.
Anyway I believe that when you are trying to show someone, you love, what it is they really need you should not care about what other people say about you.
Others, including my family, just could not see him the same way I did.
For nine months I was part of a discipleship program called Eastern Shore Masters Commission in Georgetown, DE. It began on September 20, 2008.
Each day I would gather with the other students and leaders, and we would do different volunteer work and Bible study.
What I liked the most is that we would pray for an hour every day. That was really the best time I could pray for Michael. Though there were other times, along the line, during those nine months.
There were also some times when the leaders would let me use the computer after we dismissed for the day or also on Mondays when we would have the day off. Though it was not as often, I could still see how Michael was doing.
When I read that Michael was not eating right and was depending on drugs I was just as concerned as Uri Gellar, an old friend of Michael's and his mentalist, who stated his concern on G.M. Television. When it was announced that Michael was going to perform ten shows, I knew that Michael would need a lot of strength, yet he was not taking care of himself. Since my love for Michael was unconditional, I did not really care about shows in fact I did not want them to be anounced at all. I just wanted Michael to stay alive.
What I was reading, on the internet, made me pray even harder for Michael even to the point of tears because I also had a feeling those entire nine months, that something was going to happen that year of, 2009. I did not know what it was but I kept on with the only thing I could do, "pray."
The program was also the biggest experience I had had with the real world. I had been sheltered for most of my life because of my painful experiences.
As I had stated before the reason I had started my isolation was because I had been bullied in school. I know that may seem like nothing when compared to what Michael went through but I believe that if people really thought about it they will realize that bullies and tabloids are really not much different. Even though what bullies say is not in magazines all over the world what they do is for the same reason. They enjoy what they get out of it and they do not care what they have to do to get some more of it. For bullies it means fun and for the writers of the tabloids it means money.
That was not the only reason either. Before I came to Masters Commission I was stuck in a process of isolation because I felt unloved. I knew my family loved me, but I did not feel loved by those I wanted to love me. This would cause me to have feelings of rejection and loneliness which would then lead to other feelings of depression and suicide. I thought that isolation was the best way to ease my pain. I stayed in my private world, reading, watching movies, praying for Michael's soul, and following his life.
The program ended on June 6th and I was relieved. I had never been so homesick in my life.
The fans were saying that Michael already knew the truth, and that I was accusing him when I mentioned things that were true, like the fact that Michael's life was being controlled by Satan. My intentions were to show Michael the truth not to accuse or judge him. Not everyone that reads this book will understand what I am talking about either.
Anyway I believe that when you are trying to show someone, you love, what it is they really need you should not care about what other people say about you.
Others, including my family, just could not see him the same way I did.
For nine months I was part of a discipleship program called Eastern Shore Masters Commission in Georgetown, DE. It began on September 20, 2008.
Each day I would gather with the other students and leaders, and we would do different volunteer work and Bible study.
What I liked the most is that we would pray for an hour every day. That was really the best time I could pray for Michael. Though there were other times, along the line, during those nine months.
There were also some times when the leaders would let me use the computer after we dismissed for the day or also on Mondays when we would have the day off. Though it was not as often, I could still see how Michael was doing.
When I read that Michael was not eating right and was depending on drugs I was just as concerned as Uri Gellar, an old friend of Michael's and his mentalist, who stated his concern on G.M. Television. When it was announced that Michael was going to perform ten shows, I knew that Michael would need a lot of strength, yet he was not taking care of himself. Since my love for Michael was unconditional, I did not really care about shows in fact I did not want them to be anounced at all. I just wanted Michael to stay alive.
What I was reading, on the internet, made me pray even harder for Michael even to the point of tears because I also had a feeling those entire nine months, that something was going to happen that year of, 2009. I did not know what it was but I kept on with the only thing I could do, "pray."
The program was also the biggest experience I had had with the real world. I had been sheltered for most of my life because of my painful experiences.
As I had stated before the reason I had started my isolation was because I had been bullied in school. I know that may seem like nothing when compared to what Michael went through but I believe that if people really thought about it they will realize that bullies and tabloids are really not much different. Even though what bullies say is not in magazines all over the world what they do is for the same reason. They enjoy what they get out of it and they do not care what they have to do to get some more of it. For bullies it means fun and for the writers of the tabloids it means money.
That was not the only reason either. Before I came to Masters Commission I was stuck in a process of isolation because I felt unloved. I knew my family loved me, but I did not feel loved by those I wanted to love me. This would cause me to have feelings of rejection and loneliness which would then lead to other feelings of depression and suicide. I thought that isolation was the best way to ease my pain. I stayed in my private world, reading, watching movies, praying for Michael's soul, and following his life.
The program ended on June 6th and I was relieved. I had never been so homesick in my life.
Monday, July 19, 2010
I Am Not Giving Up
I do not remember what day it was, but it struck my mind suddenly that I could send the letter on the video website called You Tube. Michael's employees checked email websites, but I was sure that Michael himself looked on You Tube.
May 31, 2008 was when I first taped myself reciting my letter. In fact, since I first wrote the letter I had recited it all the time whenever I was alone. I always had a feeling that it would be useful one day.
It was put on to a DVD by my Uncle Bob and on July 7th released on You Tube by Jill Stoecker, a friend of my sister. It is under the title, "Salvation Letter for Michael Jackson" by Mickeyz428. I wanted to be sure that I had done everything I possibly could to help Michael find the truth because I knew what would happen if he did not find the truth.
The bottom line of this is how important Michael had become to me and when something is important to me I do not give up easily.
When Michael showed his Private Home Videos there was a part when he was telling a story about the time he was looking for a liver for a dying child in Hungary. A long time went by and nothing was found but Michael said, " I am not giving up I wont let him die." A liver was found a short time after that. I am sure that everyone already knows that story. Michael would not give up on helping that child so I would not give up on helping him find the truth.
When I did the You Tube broadcast, the thought going through my mind, " Satan wants to destroy Michael and I am not going to stand by and watch it happen."
There is a verse in the Bible that says, "Love does not give up or lose faith. Is always hopeful and puts up with every circumstance." 1 Coritnthians 13:17
I had said before that I had a collection of seven posters and ten postcards of Michael. Well, whenever I would walk by the poster on my bedroom door I would look at it and say, " I am not giving up on you, Michael, that one day you will find the truth." This may sound a bit weird to some people but there were other times when I would put my hand on the poster and pray for God to lay his healing hands on Michael. Especially in August ,2008 when rumors of Michael's bad health first started and then in December it was rumored that Michael had converted to Islam.
The fact that I would not give up on Michael was also my own way of showing Michael how much I really loved him. Though he never knew about it.
This is what this book is about, love is not giving up on someone, but believing that one day that person will find what he or she needs.
May 31, 2008 was when I first taped myself reciting my letter. In fact, since I first wrote the letter I had recited it all the time whenever I was alone. I always had a feeling that it would be useful one day.
It was put on to a DVD by my Uncle Bob and on July 7th released on You Tube by Jill Stoecker, a friend of my sister. It is under the title, "Salvation Letter for Michael Jackson" by Mickeyz428. I wanted to be sure that I had done everything I possibly could to help Michael find the truth because I knew what would happen if he did not find the truth.
The bottom line of this is how important Michael had become to me and when something is important to me I do not give up easily.
When Michael showed his Private Home Videos there was a part when he was telling a story about the time he was looking for a liver for a dying child in Hungary. A long time went by and nothing was found but Michael said, " I am not giving up I wont let him die." A liver was found a short time after that. I am sure that everyone already knows that story. Michael would not give up on helping that child so I would not give up on helping him find the truth.
When I did the You Tube broadcast, the thought going through my mind, " Satan wants to destroy Michael and I am not going to stand by and watch it happen."
There is a verse in the Bible that says, "Love does not give up or lose faith. Is always hopeful and puts up with every circumstance." 1 Coritnthians 13:17
I had said before that I had a collection of seven posters and ten postcards of Michael. Well, whenever I would walk by the poster on my bedroom door I would look at it and say, " I am not giving up on you, Michael, that one day you will find the truth." This may sound a bit weird to some people but there were other times when I would put my hand on the poster and pray for God to lay his healing hands on Michael. Especially in August ,2008 when rumors of Michael's bad health first started and then in December it was rumored that Michael had converted to Islam.
The fact that I would not give up on Michael was also my own way of showing Michael how much I really loved him. Though he never knew about it.
This is what this book is about, love is not giving up on someone, but believing that one day that person will find what he or she needs.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Martyr Floon
A year and five months went by and I did not get an answer. I was not able to get much information about how Michael was doing until my Dad told me what happened at the World Music Awards. Michael messed up while trying to sing and gor booed off stage. There was only praying during that time.
In January 2007, Jimmy and I decided to send the letter again on the same website, but when we looked for, we found out that it had been shut down. Then we sent it on an email address of a fan club.
When I turned 19 in 2006 my mom said that I was old enough to buy a piece of Michael's merchandie without asking her. I went right to it. Whenever I would go to the stores that had CD's, I would search through them.
Also, in the begining of 2007 I suddenly started a process in which I would look up Michael everyday on the internet, to see how he was doing. I also wanted to know if my prayers were having any affect.
I wanted information about Michael badly and there was nothing to be found in the magazines or the news reports. I wanted to get information but not be a pest about it. The internet was really the best way.
I also found another email address to send the letter too. The website was called Histeria. I also found a place called the Michael Jackson World Network in Wigan, England, and I sent it there by postage.
When I kept on reading about Michael having trouble paying his bills and the multiple lawsuits that kept on happening, I, of course prayed that it would get Michael's attention. Like it had done the movie star Mickey Rooney. As a fan, I believed it was my job to help him as much as I possibly could.
I not only bought his seven regular albums, but also the extra CD's with just his greatest hits and the Ultimate Collection. With the short films, I bought every single DVD and the Visionary Box Set. I really did not care if what I bought had the same songs. I just knew that the money I was paying was going to help Michael even though it was not much. In fact, when I would pick an item off the shelf I would say out loud, "I am doing this for you, Michael."
Buying all the short films was worth it because I had so much fun learning his dances. I started doing "Thriller and "Beat It" for Young Life summer camp talent shows. There was actually a time when I got to dress up like Michael and did "The Way You Make Me Feel" in a skit with a church group, on a mission trip to Mexico.
As I said before, I used to write messages on a website called Topix. Discussions come on this website about the latest stories concerning Michael and people around the world write their opinions down. Many have converstions or arguments. You can even create your own discussions and even polls in which other members can give their answer by voting.
The Topix website was ruled by the worse kinds of haters, ones in the world that hated Michael. Fans would write their opinions on the discussions, and when they got defensive, they did it big time. Then haters would write back saying the worse kinds of things about them and Michael.
The particular nickname that the haters, on the website, would call us fans was f'loon. In other words, they were saying that we were f. crazy.
The first time I got on the website, I started a discussion titled "M.J. the One and Only Parent" in which I procalimed Michael to be a wonderful father and that the kids would want no one else. When I kept on reading internet stories about Michael's health being bad I would start discussions in which I was asking the other fans to pray for him.
One day something happened that made me feel seperate from the other fan members. The haters gave me a nickname "Martyr Floon." I was called that on two seperate discussions. I do not remember how it happened the first time,but the second time it happened a hater had replied to one of my comments by calling me an idiot, and I answered this hater by saying," You call me an idiot? Alright, call me an idiot. If you pick on Michael, why don't you pick on me." The hater answered by saying," We got a Martyr f'oon."
My membership name on the website was MickeyZ428, but after that happened, I changed it to Mickeyz or Martyr F'loon.
I was actually proud of it, and when the haters found out, they were really surprised since they had meant it to be offensive. This comment from a hater named Buffalo Billy Bob practically sums up the haters' surprise.
"Wackjob f'loon MickeyZ who loves her martyr hood is wildly in love with a man she has never met and never will meet. She believes exactly what he wants his f'loons to believe about him and like all f'loons she is not bright enough to question anything negative that appears about him no matter how plentiful or repulsive those reports may be."
I also started several polls on that website in which I asked questions. There was one in which I asked the rest of the fans what had made them a fan in the first place. Was it just entertainment or was there something else?
The other questions I asked were things like who is there more of in the world, haters or fans? Or what do you love the most, Michael or his music?
I was the most serious about a poll that I titled Test for the Fans. It was based on something that happened a short time before, when a member named "Michael Hear This" was trying to tell Michael that he was a fan, but if there was not a new album by the end of that year, he would become a hater. I replied to this person by saying, "I am going to stand by Michael to the end even if there never is a comeback."
I asked the question, would the other members agree with "Michael Hear This" or with me? One hundred and tweleve agreed with "Michael Hear This" and four did with me.
I was also praying very hard for Michael throughout the entire time, but the things that I was reading made it look like my prayers were not having any effect. Even though I had sent out the letter a couple times, I had a feeling there was a way I could send the letter that would make it more possible for Michael to receive it. That way was just around the corner.
In January 2007, Jimmy and I decided to send the letter again on the same website, but when we looked for, we found out that it had been shut down. Then we sent it on an email address of a fan club.
When I turned 19 in 2006 my mom said that I was old enough to buy a piece of Michael's merchandie without asking her. I went right to it. Whenever I would go to the stores that had CD's, I would search through them.
Also, in the begining of 2007 I suddenly started a process in which I would look up Michael everyday on the internet, to see how he was doing. I also wanted to know if my prayers were having any affect.
I wanted information about Michael badly and there was nothing to be found in the magazines or the news reports. I wanted to get information but not be a pest about it. The internet was really the best way.
I also found another email address to send the letter too. The website was called Histeria. I also found a place called the Michael Jackson World Network in Wigan, England, and I sent it there by postage.
When I kept on reading about Michael having trouble paying his bills and the multiple lawsuits that kept on happening, I, of course prayed that it would get Michael's attention. Like it had done the movie star Mickey Rooney. As a fan, I believed it was my job to help him as much as I possibly could.
I not only bought his seven regular albums, but also the extra CD's with just his greatest hits and the Ultimate Collection. With the short films, I bought every single DVD and the Visionary Box Set. I really did not care if what I bought had the same songs. I just knew that the money I was paying was going to help Michael even though it was not much. In fact, when I would pick an item off the shelf I would say out loud, "I am doing this for you, Michael."
Buying all the short films was worth it because I had so much fun learning his dances. I started doing "Thriller and "Beat It" for Young Life summer camp talent shows. There was actually a time when I got to dress up like Michael and did "The Way You Make Me Feel" in a skit with a church group, on a mission trip to Mexico.
As I said before, I used to write messages on a website called Topix. Discussions come on this website about the latest stories concerning Michael and people around the world write their opinions down. Many have converstions or arguments. You can even create your own discussions and even polls in which other members can give their answer by voting.
The Topix website was ruled by the worse kinds of haters, ones in the world that hated Michael. Fans would write their opinions on the discussions, and when they got defensive, they did it big time. Then haters would write back saying the worse kinds of things about them and Michael.
The particular nickname that the haters, on the website, would call us fans was f'loon. In other words, they were saying that we were f. crazy.
The first time I got on the website, I started a discussion titled "M.J. the One and Only Parent" in which I procalimed Michael to be a wonderful father and that the kids would want no one else. When I kept on reading internet stories about Michael's health being bad I would start discussions in which I was asking the other fans to pray for him.
One day something happened that made me feel seperate from the other fan members. The haters gave me a nickname "Martyr Floon." I was called that on two seperate discussions. I do not remember how it happened the first time,but the second time it happened a hater had replied to one of my comments by calling me an idiot, and I answered this hater by saying," You call me an idiot? Alright, call me an idiot. If you pick on Michael, why don't you pick on me." The hater answered by saying," We got a Martyr f'oon."
My membership name on the website was MickeyZ428, but after that happened, I changed it to Mickeyz or Martyr F'loon.
I was actually proud of it, and when the haters found out, they were really surprised since they had meant it to be offensive. This comment from a hater named Buffalo Billy Bob practically sums up the haters' surprise.
"Wackjob f'loon MickeyZ who loves her martyr hood is wildly in love with a man she has never met and never will meet. She believes exactly what he wants his f'loons to believe about him and like all f'loons she is not bright enough to question anything negative that appears about him no matter how plentiful or repulsive those reports may be."
I also started several polls on that website in which I asked questions. There was one in which I asked the rest of the fans what had made them a fan in the first place. Was it just entertainment or was there something else?
The other questions I asked were things like who is there more of in the world, haters or fans? Or what do you love the most, Michael or his music?
I was the most serious about a poll that I titled Test for the Fans. It was based on something that happened a short time before, when a member named "Michael Hear This" was trying to tell Michael that he was a fan, but if there was not a new album by the end of that year, he would become a hater. I replied to this person by saying, "I am going to stand by Michael to the end even if there never is a comeback."
I asked the question, would the other members agree with "Michael Hear This" or with me? One hundred and tweleve agreed with "Michael Hear This" and four did with me.
I was also praying very hard for Michael throughout the entire time, but the things that I was reading made it look like my prayers were not having any effect. Even though I had sent out the letter a couple times, I had a feeling there was a way I could send the letter that would make it more possible for Michael to receive it. That way was just around the corner.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Letter for Michael Jackson by Mickeyz428
Dear Michael Jackson,
I am also one of your fans. I've seen your Private Home Videos, your interview by Bashir, and I watch you on the news whenever I can. I have your Greatest Hits CD and I listen to it a lot. I have also seen the Wiz and I thought that your were the best scarecrow.
I know that you love your children and they must be proud to have you for a father. They would never want anyone else. I also know that you wouldn't do anything to hurt them so the incident on the balcony was just a misunderstanding.
I want to get to the real reason why I'm writing this letter and I hope that I wont hurt your feelings.
I have no doubt that inside you is a desire to show love. You think that you're doing it by sharing your bed. You can't see that what you're doing is really wrong. I'm sure that you've heard of Satan before. Satan saw that desire and made you think that sharing your bed was a way that you could do it. Either you've never been told this before or you have and you chose to ignore it.
Satan does not want you to accept the truth. He wants you to keep on doing this so that he can use you to destroy other lives and then he can destroy you.
Just to remind you Satan is the father of sin which are the things that you've done wrong. Only you and God know the things that you've done wrong.
Satan also wants to keep you from accepting the one who loves you more than your fans ever could.
Everyone is born with an emptiness in their hearts that can only be filled when they decide to believe that God had sent his only son, Jesus, to take away our sins. If they decide to follow him and make him the lord and savior of their life when they die they will live forever in his kingdom. Those that have accepted him have their names written down in a book called the Lambs Book of Life where God records the names of the ones that have decided to follow him.
Satan has blinded you to the fact that Jesus was the only son of God who came to Earth to take the sins of the world upon himself, and then to ressurect on the third day, because he loved us more than we could ever imagine. He was the only one who never did anything wrong in the world and he took all the sins of the world upon himself.
Because you have not accepted him Satan has taken control of your life. He has made you think that drugs can help you live longer and that Muslims can help you with your trials. Muslims are worshippers of Satan and he is using them to guide you down the wrong path of life. He is also using drugs as a way to destroy you.
The reason why he's doing this is because you can use your talents to tell the world about Jesus and what he did for the world. Everyone is born for that purpose.
Whoever has not received Jesus as their savior will not be found in the Lambs Book of Life when they die and they will be cast into the pit of unquenchable fire which is the kingdom of Satan. I'm sure that you've heard of Hell before.
Satan wants to keep you from receiving Jesus as your Savior so that he can destroy you and cast you into his kingdom.
Because of what Jesus did we can repent of our sins and ask God for forgiveness. He will forgive us. If you repent of your sins God will forgive you and they'll be forgotten.
If you receive Jesus as your savior you will be born into a new life. What you look like wont change but you will have a new heart. A heart that's filled with love for God and compassion for others. Most importantly your name will be written in the Book of Life and you can start living your life for him.
I bet that there are wounds on your heart right now from being called harsh names and scars from sad things that have happened in the past. Your heart is also filthy with your sins. Like I said you will be given a new clean heart that's filled with love. Those wounds will also be healed.
You will still do things that are wrong and, I'm sorry to say, that you will probably always be known as what you are now but it will comfort you to know that you are a new person. The old Michael Jackson will be gone and will never exist again.
If you ever get this message I hope that it will really help you see the truth and that you wont listen to Satan anymore.
You have to make this important decision and I really do hope that you will make the right one.
When I go to Heaven I hope that I will find you among the people that I will see.
Your fan,
I am also one of your fans. I've seen your Private Home Videos, your interview by Bashir, and I watch you on the news whenever I can. I have your Greatest Hits CD and I listen to it a lot. I have also seen the Wiz and I thought that your were the best scarecrow.
I know that you love your children and they must be proud to have you for a father. They would never want anyone else. I also know that you wouldn't do anything to hurt them so the incident on the balcony was just a misunderstanding.
I want to get to the real reason why I'm writing this letter and I hope that I wont hurt your feelings.
I have no doubt that inside you is a desire to show love. You think that you're doing it by sharing your bed. You can't see that what you're doing is really wrong. I'm sure that you've heard of Satan before. Satan saw that desire and made you think that sharing your bed was a way that you could do it. Either you've never been told this before or you have and you chose to ignore it.
Satan does not want you to accept the truth. He wants you to keep on doing this so that he can use you to destroy other lives and then he can destroy you.
Just to remind you Satan is the father of sin which are the things that you've done wrong. Only you and God know the things that you've done wrong.
Satan also wants to keep you from accepting the one who loves you more than your fans ever could.
Everyone is born with an emptiness in their hearts that can only be filled when they decide to believe that God had sent his only son, Jesus, to take away our sins. If they decide to follow him and make him the lord and savior of their life when they die they will live forever in his kingdom. Those that have accepted him have their names written down in a book called the Lambs Book of Life where God records the names of the ones that have decided to follow him.
Satan has blinded you to the fact that Jesus was the only son of God who came to Earth to take the sins of the world upon himself, and then to ressurect on the third day, because he loved us more than we could ever imagine. He was the only one who never did anything wrong in the world and he took all the sins of the world upon himself.
Because you have not accepted him Satan has taken control of your life. He has made you think that drugs can help you live longer and that Muslims can help you with your trials. Muslims are worshippers of Satan and he is using them to guide you down the wrong path of life. He is also using drugs as a way to destroy you.
The reason why he's doing this is because you can use your talents to tell the world about Jesus and what he did for the world. Everyone is born for that purpose.
Whoever has not received Jesus as their savior will not be found in the Lambs Book of Life when they die and they will be cast into the pit of unquenchable fire which is the kingdom of Satan. I'm sure that you've heard of Hell before.
Satan wants to keep you from receiving Jesus as your Savior so that he can destroy you and cast you into his kingdom.
Because of what Jesus did we can repent of our sins and ask God for forgiveness. He will forgive us. If you repent of your sins God will forgive you and they'll be forgotten.
If you receive Jesus as your savior you will be born into a new life. What you look like wont change but you will have a new heart. A heart that's filled with love for God and compassion for others. Most importantly your name will be written in the Book of Life and you can start living your life for him.
I bet that there are wounds on your heart right now from being called harsh names and scars from sad things that have happened in the past. Your heart is also filthy with your sins. Like I said you will be given a new clean heart that's filled with love. Those wounds will also be healed.
You will still do things that are wrong and, I'm sorry to say, that you will probably always be known as what you are now but it will comfort you to know that you are a new person. The old Michael Jackson will be gone and will never exist again.
If you ever get this message I hope that it will really help you see the truth and that you wont listen to Satan anymore.
You have to make this important decision and I really do hope that you will make the right one.
When I go to Heaven I hope that I will find you among the people that I will see.
Your fan,
Salvation Letter
In July of, 2005, we started going to another church that was called New Covenant Church of God because my parents wanted to be part of a church that was closer to home. My family took to it right away, but I had a hard time with it at first. When we became part of the youth group, the youth pastor became our good friend. His name was Jimmy Akers. When he heard about my prayers for Michael's soul, he asked if I knew my prayers were having any effect. I said that I had heard nothing about Michael since since he was acquitted. Jimmy suggested that I should look on the internet. I told him that I did not have much interest in the internet. Jimmy said that he would look for me.
In the middle of August, Jimmy told me that he had found a website called M.J.J. Source.com, and that there was something on it that would allow a person to send Michael a message. Jimmy suggested that I should write Michael a letter, and he would send it on the website.
The letter idea actually began the year before when my Dad told me a story about when he was a teenager. He was a big fan of a singer named Linda Ronstat. There was a time when he was in church and the pastor said that Linda Ronstat was having a real hard time with life. When my Dad got home that day, he started writing her a letter. He told her about God and the whole plan of salvation. He never had a chance to send the letter, but I was actually given a chance to send mine, and show Michael the truth.
While writing the letter, I felt like it was good to begin with telling Michael that I was a fan of his and about the fact that whenever I could, I would watch him on the news. As for music, the only thing I had was a remix of the History Album. So I said that I had his greatest hits CD. I also said that when I saw the Wiz I thought that he was the best scarecrow.
I felt that it was also important to tell Michael I really believed that he loved his children and would never hurt them. They would never want anyone else for a father.
Before I began trying to tell him the truth, I believed that I had to tell him that I did not want to hurt his feelings because I knew that this would be hard for him to hear.
When I tried to explain salvation, I got many ideas from a passage explaining salvation I had copied out of the first Left Behind book. The explanation seemed to come to me fluently. The way I wanted it to sound was a way that was straight forward but mostly gentle and understanding.
I even explained that sometimes Michael's actions and choices were not right but Satan had made him think that they were good. Michael had allowed them to be part of his life because he had not received Jesus as his savior. I explained only the actions and choices I believed were the most important. What I explained was the fact that Satan had made Michael think that drugs could give him strength to live longer when really they were destroying him. Satan had also made him think that Muslims would make good staff members, when in reality Muslims were Satan's worshippers and a distraction from the right path of life.
The paragraph, in the letter, I was the most serious about was the one when I was trying to be considerate about all the pain that Michael was holding inside, particularly from the past but also from what hade just happened. I also knew that even though he had been acquitted, there were people in the world who thought that he was guilty, and wherever he went he would have to be aware of them. Then I explained that if he would receive Jesus his wounds would all be healed.
I ended the letter with telling Michael that this was a decision he had to make and I hoped that he would make the right one. Then I said," When I go to Heaven I hope that I will find you among the people that I will see you."
Jimmy sent the letter on the website on August 27th that year, 2005.
There was not much chance of getting an answer but I hoped it would be possible. I just knew the only thing I could do then was "pray." I knew that there would be a day when Michael would go on trial again but this time before God. If the verdict was bad, the result would not be 20 years in prison, but eternity in a pit of fire.
The next two pages is the complete letter.
In the middle of August, Jimmy told me that he had found a website called M.J.J. Source.com, and that there was something on it that would allow a person to send Michael a message. Jimmy suggested that I should write Michael a letter, and he would send it on the website.
The letter idea actually began the year before when my Dad told me a story about when he was a teenager. He was a big fan of a singer named Linda Ronstat. There was a time when he was in church and the pastor said that Linda Ronstat was having a real hard time with life. When my Dad got home that day, he started writing her a letter. He told her about God and the whole plan of salvation. He never had a chance to send the letter, but I was actually given a chance to send mine, and show Michael the truth.
While writing the letter, I felt like it was good to begin with telling Michael that I was a fan of his and about the fact that whenever I could, I would watch him on the news. As for music, the only thing I had was a remix of the History Album. So I said that I had his greatest hits CD. I also said that when I saw the Wiz I thought that he was the best scarecrow.
I felt that it was also important to tell Michael I really believed that he loved his children and would never hurt them. They would never want anyone else for a father.
Before I began trying to tell him the truth, I believed that I had to tell him that I did not want to hurt his feelings because I knew that this would be hard for him to hear.
When I tried to explain salvation, I got many ideas from a passage explaining salvation I had copied out of the first Left Behind book. The explanation seemed to come to me fluently. The way I wanted it to sound was a way that was straight forward but mostly gentle and understanding.
I even explained that sometimes Michael's actions and choices were not right but Satan had made him think that they were good. Michael had allowed them to be part of his life because he had not received Jesus as his savior. I explained only the actions and choices I believed were the most important. What I explained was the fact that Satan had made Michael think that drugs could give him strength to live longer when really they were destroying him. Satan had also made him think that Muslims would make good staff members, when in reality Muslims were Satan's worshippers and a distraction from the right path of life.
The paragraph, in the letter, I was the most serious about was the one when I was trying to be considerate about all the pain that Michael was holding inside, particularly from the past but also from what hade just happened. I also knew that even though he had been acquitted, there were people in the world who thought that he was guilty, and wherever he went he would have to be aware of them. Then I explained that if he would receive Jesus his wounds would all be healed.
I ended the letter with telling Michael that this was a decision he had to make and I hoped that he would make the right one. Then I said," When I go to Heaven I hope that I will find you among the people that I will see you."
Jimmy sent the letter on the website on August 27th that year, 2005.
There was not much chance of getting an answer but I hoped it would be possible. I just knew the only thing I could do then was "pray." I knew that there would be a day when Michael would go on trial again but this time before God. If the verdict was bad, the result would not be 20 years in prison, but eternity in a pit of fire.
The next two pages is the complete letter.
The Road Trip and The Trial
When the trial first began in February, 2005 all I could really do was pray that Michael would get through this, that the verdict would be good, and that maybe this would be the way for him to find the truth, but I was also worried about him. I did not want him to spend 20 years in prison. Michael's kids needed him.
In March of 2005, my family and I set out on a road trip across the country. We traveled from our home state of Maryland to Oklahoma. From there we traveled to Arizona, then to Nevada, California, Colorado, and Missouri.
During that time, I could not get much information about the trial, and I was very concerned about how Michael was taking it because he was sensitive. Speaking from my own experience with sensitivity, sensitive people can get their feelings hurt very easily, and they take things harder than can be possibly be imagined.
There actually really was a time when Michael admitted that he could get easily embarrassed. It was stated in this way," I am just like everyone else. I cut, I bleed, and I embarrass easily." I can not imagine how hurt Michael must have been in hearing those people accuse him of things he did not do for there was also a time when he said," I will say again that I have never and will never harm a child. It makes me sick that people have written these untrue things about me."
The only time I did get something was when we were in Arizona, and I saw an reenactment of the trial.
Until the road trip ended in the middle of May, praying was all I could really do.
When I heard about Michael's acquittal and that he was going to stop sharing his bed, I was so relieved, but I was still worried. I knew the process Satan had with celebrities.
Satan finds some way to destroy them. He tries to destroy everyone, but celebrities are his prime target because of their great talents. If a celebrity gets saved, he can use his talents and lead millions to Jesus. That's why Satan does not want them to get saved.
For some celebrities, like Michael, Satan uses them for a while and then he destroys them. I took the acquittal as a sign that Satan was done using Michael, and now he was going to start trying to destroy him.
I thought to myself," There has got to be a reason that I can see the truth behind this situation."
I knew then, that if I was ever given a chance to show Michael the truth, I would most definitely try.
In March of 2005, my family and I set out on a road trip across the country. We traveled from our home state of Maryland to Oklahoma. From there we traveled to Arizona, then to Nevada, California, Colorado, and Missouri.
During that time, I could not get much information about the trial, and I was very concerned about how Michael was taking it because he was sensitive. Speaking from my own experience with sensitivity, sensitive people can get their feelings hurt very easily, and they take things harder than can be possibly be imagined.
There actually really was a time when Michael admitted that he could get easily embarrassed. It was stated in this way," I am just like everyone else. I cut, I bleed, and I embarrass easily." I can not imagine how hurt Michael must have been in hearing those people accuse him of things he did not do for there was also a time when he said," I will say again that I have never and will never harm a child. It makes me sick that people have written these untrue things about me."
The only time I did get something was when we were in Arizona, and I saw an reenactment of the trial.
Until the road trip ended in the middle of May, praying was all I could really do.
When I heard about Michael's acquittal and that he was going to stop sharing his bed, I was so relieved, but I was still worried. I knew the process Satan had with celebrities.
Satan finds some way to destroy them. He tries to destroy everyone, but celebrities are his prime target because of their great talents. If a celebrity gets saved, he can use his talents and lead millions to Jesus. That's why Satan does not want them to get saved.
For some celebrities, like Michael, Satan uses them for a while and then he destroys them. I took the acquittal as a sign that Satan was done using Michael, and now he was going to start trying to destroy him.
I thought to myself," There has got to be a reason that I can see the truth behind this situation."
I knew then, that if I was ever given a chance to show Michael the truth, I would most definitely try.
Don't Give Up: A Mission of Prayer for Michael Jackson
This book chronicles my six years of praying for Michael Jackson. You will read about how it began and all the events that followed until the time it ended with Michael's death.
Monday, July 12, 2010
A Fan in a Haters World
I really did not hear or read anything about Michael after the Private Home Videos in April until November, 2003, when the police raids happend. I did the only thing I could do,"pray."When I saw the reports of the police raids on Neverland and the footage of Michael being lead into the station handcuffed, I felt like I was going to cry. At that time, I knew what kind of a person Michael really was. He was a bit eccentric but he would never hurt anyone, much less molest someone. Even though I knew that sharing his bed was wrong.When the 60 minute interview showed in December, it made me want to cry even more. Not just the fact that Michael was injured and made fun of in the bathroom, but it was also the first time I had heard about the humiliating photographs that was the result of the first accusation. Poor Michael had just been betrayed and was now being falsely accused. Before all that he had been humiliated.From that point, in the following days and the year of 2004, along with my prayers, I would watch the reports that would come on. My family did not like it.I remember one time, in the evening, when my mom went somewhere for a while, she told me to go to bed early. Instead, I stayed up and watched Michael on the 11 o'clock news. When my mom asked why I said,"I did it for Michael."There were even times when my brother and sisters would try to keep me from watching the reports. There was actually a time when my brother tricked me into missing one. I watched as many as I could though.Whenever my siblings would laugh and make fun of Michael, I would always speak up in defense of him though there really was no purpose in doing it. Michael could not hear what they were saying.The simple reason for their actions was because they just could not see him the way I did. All they could see was his face and behavior.
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Relating to a Celebrity
The fact that I became a fan by the news reports instead of the entertainment, always made me feel different from the other fans.I do not mean to brag, but my attraction to Michael was not like most fans of celebrities. I pointed out the difference in the following paragraphs I wrote on the Topix website." If Michael was not famous and had lived a normal life, we would not know that he even exists. Why is he famous? Because he is talented, and he is so entertaining."...."What happend at the World Music Award's was a test for the fans. Would they still love him even if he suddenly lost his talent? What if there never is a comeback? What if he messes up again at his next attempt?"...."Unlike most fans, I did not become a fan by admiring the entertainment. I have never been to a show. I became a fan by watching the news reports in 2003,which began with Bashir, and the rest that followed."Everyone knows that at the beginning of the 2000's Michael began to be known as the Faded Pop Star.There was a part on the Bashir documentary outtakes when Bashir asks Michael," When you are surrounded by your family, by other musicians, and thousands of people wanting to be your friend, how can you say that you don't have any friends?"Michael answered,"Because they spoke to me in a language that was musical that was entertainment. You need to seperate yourself from that, in order to discover the fun things of life."It also says in the Bible in 1 Peter 1:25 that a man and his glory is like the flowers and the grass of the field. They can be hear one day but another day they can be gone. The only thing that really stands forever is the word of God.A very likely example would be movie star Rock Hudson whose fame partly came out of how good looking he was. When he suddenly became sick with the AIDS disease he began to lose his good looks and from what I have heard the only person who cared about him then was Doris Day. Miraculously though somebody told him about Jesus before he died.The point I am trying to make is,that my love for Michael was not a result of his talent and fame,but it was a result of my attraction to Michael as a human being, a person a lot like myself. Even though he was famous, he was a human being with a heart and feelings. He was not a piggy bank to just shake and get money out of. I felt like I knew and understood him even if it was from a distance.However it happend, I was a fan and deeply in love with Michael, and i believe that it happend at just the right time. Things were about to get crazy.
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Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Give Into Me
I then watched the documentary of the Bashir outtakes and go to learn some more about Michael.I believe that it really cleared up some questions that you might have had when watching the original documentary. For example, was Michael really telling the truth? In the outtakes, the entire interview was shown and Michael appeared more truthful and believable than in the cut version shown before. I think that it really showed that when Bashir first released the documentary, he edited and cut it in a way to make Michael look the opposite of who he really was.When Michael's Private Home Videos were shown the following April, I believe they also showed more of who Michael really was.What I came to believe regarding who Michael really was is summed up in this paragraph I wrote on a website called Topix. It says,"There are to many people that just look at Michael's face and behavior and judge him right away. Watching the reports helped me see past all of that and get to know him more. I fell in love with a sensitive and gentle man who really does care about other people's needs and would never do anything to hurt anyone. Since his childhood was never normal, he wants to relive it."The way I became a fan can be described in the way that some people describe their anger. They hold it in until it gets to the point where they cannot hold it in any longer, and they explode. Watching Michael's Private Home Videos, along with the encouragement from Young Life, brought me to the point where I had to give in. I was a fan and also what my two youngest siblings had been chanting the night of the Bashir documentary was also true. I was in love with Michael and proud of it, too.
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Thursday, June 24, 2010
Young Life Capernaum Project
Later that month I joined a ministry for disabled people called Young Life Capernaum Project.One of my sisters had a friend from her gymnastics class, and her mother was one of the ministry's leaders. My sister's friend told my mom about the ministry, and she told her mom about me. She said I was a very compassionate person with a desire to help others. Also, I was feeling useless because I have a disability called Asperger's.Capernaum had meetings on Monday evenings from 6-7:30. They ate pizza, they sang, danced, and played games. They wrapped it up with a Bible study. They also went to camps in the summer.I went to the meeting the following Monday and got to know everyone. While we were dancing, the Jackson 5 song "ABC" was played, and when I heard it I said cheerfully, "That is Michael Jackson." People started asking,"You like Michael Jackson?" and I said that I did. I then started talking about the things I had learned about him from the documentary.From that day on, every time I went to the meetings, the first thing they would ask was, "How is Michael Jackson?" We would talk about Michael, particularly the fact that I was praying for him. It was also what we mostly talked about during camp the following summer.One of the other leaders actually said that she had a friend who got to talk with Michael one time. Another leader said that when Michael was popular and on top of the world, she was a really big. Michael was everywhere in her room. Three years later, she moved out of her house and got rid of some things. She gave me her Michael merchandise which consisted of 7 posters and 10 postcards. Michael is now everywhere in my room.The other leader also made me a remix of the Hisory album. It did not have everything on it because my mom really did not want me listening to him.There were even times when I would be talking to people I just met, and one of the leaders would say to me,"Tell them who your favorite singer is." I would hesitate for a minute because Michael was not in a very good light at the time, but then I would say it proudly," Michael Jackson."Whenever my mom would ask me how the meeting was, while driving me home, I would say that we talked about Michael. My mom would get upset. She could see that the talks at Young Life were making me obsessed with Michael, and she did not like it.
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Getting to Know Him
From that January day on, every time I went to the store I was looking at the magazines, searching for anything that would show me my prayers were being answered. I do not really remember the stories that I read except one about Michael coming to court on crutches and having to be carried in. I knew that magazines did not always tell the truth, but I wanted to know if any of the things I was reading were, in fact true. I thought there was a possibility.When the documentary,"Living with Michael Jackson" appeared in the TV guide, I told myself,"If you watch this documentary you might get your questions answered." The night it came on, a few minutes before it started, I was sitting in front of the TV when my two youngest siblings came down and asked me to watch a movie with them in the bedroom. When I told them no, and said I was going to watch the documentary they walked back up the stairs chanting,"Mckenzie's in love."Before the Bashir documentary, there was another one called,"The Many Faces of Michael Jackson." That documentary began with different people being interviewed and each of them calling Michael a name. The documentary also showed a clip from the time Jay Leno made fun of Michael on his TV show. What surprised me the most, however, was the effect the Bashir documentary had on Michael's reputation. When Bashir was interviewed about his documentary,he called Michael a broken down lunatic. An act of betrayal, it definetly was, and I felt sorry for Michael.When I saw the Bashir documentary, I began to see what kind of a person Michael really was. A lot of what I learned about Michael were the same things that were a part of who I was. Both of us were sensitive, shy, timid, eccentric, we both loved shopping, and we got along better with kids, and the way Michael felt about Peter Pan I felt the same way about The Little Mermaid. We even had the same sense of humor, the playful, childlike sense of humor which is a bit eccentric but not dangerous.I really didn't get answers to my questions, but the documentary made me want to learn as much about Michael as I possibly could and to keep on praying.The documentary caused me to feel even more sorry for him, particularly the scene when Bashir is asking Michael about his father, and he is crying because the pain is to much. I saw how sensitive Michael really was.I also remembered myself as an eight year old sitting in the cafeteria with tears running down my face because of all the teasing from the boys around me. My sensitive feeling casued me to believe everything the boys were saying. The boys would say things like"We're going to come over and kill your family,"We're going to kill you, or "We're going to burn down your house." No one at all stood up for me. When I got home, the tears would still be running.The bullying happened so much that when the end of the summer was near, my mom took me out of that school, and I was home schooled until graduation. My three siblings also home schooled with me for a couple years.That event was really the beginning of what I am today. I am very family oriented, I do not like being in groups, and I spend most of my time alone. In other words, I have lived a very sheltered life, but I get lonely all the time.Remembering the teasing and the bullying I experienced caused this to run through my mind, "This sensitive person is not getting bullied in school; he is getting humiliated in front of the whole world," and during the last part of the documentary, this suddenly came to my mind," I have to get more into this because, in a way that I do not understand right now, this has something to do with me."
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Surprises In Life
One chilly day, at the end of January,2003, a fifteen year girl stands at the Food Lion check out line with her mom. She sees a tabloid about Michael Jackson which is titled "Michael Is Dying From Drugs" and it refers to something about a bloated hand because of drugs. When her mom sees what she is looking at, she says that those magazines don't tell the truth. But still, the girl feels like there's something inside telling her that she must pray.As we go through life, we encounter certain things that, at first glance, we make up our minds right away that we will never show interest in them.The first time I saw Michael, he was in a music video called "Will You Be There." It was the theme song to the movie "Free Willy" that I was watching with my family. He actually scared me.The first time I ever saw a picture of Michael my reaction was no differnt from a "hater's," especially when I first learned that he had once been a black man. But the first time I heard one of his songs, I liked it a lot even though my mom didn't want me listening to it.There was a time I was interested in Elvis and when I learned that Michael had once married his daughter my reaction was the typical one,"Gross!"During the event that January day, as I read the first paragraph in the magazine article, I couldn't believe what I was feeling. I had seen tabloid stories about Michael all my life and had never felt anything for him before.After January, I started staying up very late every night on my knees praying desperately for him, not knowing that it was the beginning of what, I believe, was the greatest mission of my life.
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Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Explanation
This book chronicles my six years of praying for Michael Jackson.You will read about how it began and about all the events that followed until it ended with Michael's death. You will read about the letter I wrote to Michael in which I tried to show him the truth and the reason for his actions.My intention of this book is to encourage those who feel like they need to pray for a certain person that is lost. That person could be anyone, a family member, a friend, or like me, someone who has nothing to do with your life, but you still feel like you need to pray for them, particularly a celebrity. If there is anyone out there like that, the only thing I want to say to you is," Do not give up because God's love does not give up."If Michael's family reads this book I want to say to them, particularly to his mother and kids, that throughout the entire mission, I was not trying to accuse Michael or bring him down. I was only trying to show him the truth.
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This book chronicles my six years of praying for Michael Jackson. You will read about how it began and all the events that followed until the time it ended with Michael's death.
Monday, July 12, 2010
A Fan in a Haters World
I really did not hear or read anything about Michael after the Private Home Videos in April until November, 2003, when the police raids happend. I did the only thing I could do,"pray."When I saw the reports of the police raids on Neverland and the footage of Michael being lead into the station handcuffed, I felt like I was going to cry. At that time, I knew what kind of a person Michael really was. He was a bit eccentric but he would never hurt anyone, much less molest someone. Even though I knew that sharing his bed was wrong.When the 60 minute interview showed in December, it made me want to cry even more. Not just the fact that Michael was injured and made fun of in the bathroom, but it was also the first time I had heard about the humiliating photographs that was the result of the first accusation. Poor Michael had just been betrayed and was now being falsely accused. Before all that he had been humiliated.From that point, in the following days and the year of 2004, along with my prayers, I would watch the reports that would come on. My family did not like it.I remember one time, in the evening, when my mom went somewhere for a while, she told me to go to bed early. Instead, I stayed up and watched Michael on the 11 o'clock news. When my mom asked why I said,"I did it for Michael."There were even times when my brother and sisters would try to keep me from watching the reports. There was actually a time when my brother tricked me into missing one. I watched as many as I could though.Whenever my siblings would laugh and make fun of Michael, I would always speak up in defense of him though there really was no purpose in doing it. Michael could not hear what they were saying.The simple reason for their actions was because they just could not see him the way I did. All they could see was his face and behavior.
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Relating to a Celebrity
The fact that I became a fan by the news reports instead of the entertainment, always made me feel different from the other fans.I do not mean to brag, but my attraction to Michael was not like most fans of celebrities. I pointed out the difference in the following paragraphs I wrote on the Topix website." If Michael was not famous and had lived a normal life, we would not know that he even exists. Why is he famous? Because he is talented, and he is so entertaining."...."What happend at the World Music Award's was a test for the fans. Would they still love him even if he suddenly lost his talent? What if there never is a comeback? What if he messes up again at his next attempt?"...."Unlike most fans, I did not become a fan by admiring the entertainment. I have never been to a show. I became a fan by watching the news reports in 2003,which began with Bashir, and the rest that followed."Everyone knows that at the beginning of the 2000's Michael began to be known as the Faded Pop Star.There was a part on the Bashir documentary outtakes when Bashir asks Michael," When you are surrounded by your family, by other musicians, and thousands of people wanting to be your friend, how can you say that you don't have any friends?"Michael answered,"Because they spoke to me in a language that was musical that was entertainment. You need to seperate yourself from that, in order to discover the fun things of life."It also says in the Bible in 1 Peter 1:25 that a man and his glory is like the flowers and the grass of the field. They can be hear one day but another day they can be gone. The only thing that really stands forever is the word of God.A very likely example would be movie star Rock Hudson whose fame partly came out of how good looking he was. When he suddenly became sick with the AIDS disease he began to lose his good looks and from what I have heard the only person who cared about him then was Doris Day. Miraculously though somebody told him about Jesus before he died.The point I am trying to make is,that my love for Michael was not a result of his talent and fame,but it was a result of my attraction to Michael as a human being, a person a lot like myself. Even though he was famous, he was a human being with a heart and feelings. He was not a piggy bank to just shake and get money out of. I felt like I knew and understood him even if it was from a distance.However it happend, I was a fan and deeply in love with Michael, and i believe that it happend at just the right time. Things were about to get crazy.
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Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Give Into Me
I then watched the documentary of the Bashir outtakes and go to learn some more about Michael.I believe that it really cleared up some questions that you might have had when watching the original documentary. For example, was Michael really telling the truth? In the outtakes, the entire interview was shown and Michael appeared more truthful and believable than in the cut version shown before. I think that it really showed that when Bashir first released the documentary, he edited and cut it in a way to make Michael look the opposite of who he really was.When Michael's Private Home Videos were shown the following April, I believe they also showed more of who Michael really was.What I came to believe regarding who Michael really was is summed up in this paragraph I wrote on a website called Topix. It says,"There are to many people that just look at Michael's face and behavior and judge him right away. Watching the reports helped me see past all of that and get to know him more. I fell in love with a sensitive and gentle man who really does care about other people's needs and would never do anything to hurt anyone. Since his childhood was never normal, he wants to relive it."The way I became a fan can be described in the way that some people describe their anger. They hold it in until it gets to the point where they cannot hold it in any longer, and they explode. Watching Michael's Private Home Videos, along with the encouragement from Young Life, brought me to the point where I had to give in. I was a fan and also what my two youngest siblings had been chanting the night of the Bashir documentary was also true. I was in love with Michael and proud of it, too.
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Thursday, June 24, 2010
Young Life Capernaum Project
Later that month I joined a ministry for disabled people called Young Life Capernaum Project.One of my sisters had a friend from her gymnastics class, and her mother was one of the ministry's leaders. My sister's friend told my mom about the ministry, and she told her mom about me. She said I was a very compassionate person with a desire to help others. Also, I was feeling useless because I have a disability called Asperger's.Capernaum had meetings on Monday evenings from 6-7:30. They ate pizza, they sang, danced, and played games. They wrapped it up with a Bible study. They also went to camps in the summer.I went to the meeting the following Monday and got to know everyone. While we were dancing, the Jackson 5 song "ABC" was played, and when I heard it I said cheerfully, "That is Michael Jackson." People started asking,"You like Michael Jackson?" and I said that I did. I then started talking about the things I had learned about him from the documentary.From that day on, every time I went to the meetings, the first thing they would ask was, "How is Michael Jackson?" We would talk about Michael, particularly the fact that I was praying for him. It was also what we mostly talked about during camp the following summer.One of the other leaders actually said that she had a friend who got to talk with Michael one time. Another leader said that when Michael was popular and on top of the world, she was a really big. Michael was everywhere in her room. Three years later, she moved out of her house and got rid of some things. She gave me her Michael merchandise which consisted of 7 posters and 10 postcards. Michael is now everywhere in my room.The other leader also made me a remix of the Hisory album. It did not have everything on it because my mom really did not want me listening to him.There were even times when I would be talking to people I just met, and one of the leaders would say to me,"Tell them who your favorite singer is." I would hesitate for a minute because Michael was not in a very good light at the time, but then I would say it proudly," Michael Jackson."Whenever my mom would ask me how the meeting was, while driving me home, I would say that we talked about Michael. My mom would get upset. She could see that the talks at Young Life were making me obsessed with Michael, and she did not like it.
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Getting to Know Him
From that January day on, every time I went to the store I was looking at the magazines, searching for anything that would show me my prayers were being answered. I do not really remember the stories that I read except one about Michael coming to court on crutches and having to be carried in. I knew that magazines did not always tell the truth, but I wanted to know if any of the things I was reading were, in fact true. I thought there was a possibility.When the documentary,"Living with Michael Jackson" appeared in the TV guide, I told myself,"If you watch this documentary you might get your questions answered." The night it came on, a few minutes before it started, I was sitting in front of the TV when my two youngest siblings came down and asked me to watch a movie with them in the bedroom. When I told them no, and said I was going to watch the documentary they walked back up the stairs chanting,"Mckenzie's in love."Before the Bashir documentary, there was another one called,"The Many Faces of Michael Jackson." That documentary began with different people being interviewed and each of them calling Michael a name. The documentary also showed a clip from the time Jay Leno made fun of Michael on his TV show. What surprised me the most, however, was the effect the Bashir documentary had on Michael's reputation. When Bashir was interviewed about his documentary,he called Michael a broken down lunatic. An act of betrayal, it definetly was, and I felt sorry for Michael.When I saw the Bashir documentary, I began to see what kind of a person Michael really was. A lot of what I learned about Michael were the same things that were a part of who I was. Both of us were sensitive, shy, timid, eccentric, we both loved shopping, and we got along better with kids, and the way Michael felt about Peter Pan I felt the same way about The Little Mermaid. We even had the same sense of humor, the playful, childlike sense of humor which is a bit eccentric but not dangerous.I really didn't get answers to my questions, but the documentary made me want to learn as much about Michael as I possibly could and to keep on praying.The documentary caused me to feel even more sorry for him, particularly the scene when Bashir is asking Michael about his father, and he is crying because the pain is to much. I saw how sensitive Michael really was.I also remembered myself as an eight year old sitting in the cafeteria with tears running down my face because of all the teasing from the boys around me. My sensitive feeling casued me to believe everything the boys were saying. The boys would say things like"We're going to come over and kill your family,"We're going to kill you, or "We're going to burn down your house." No one at all stood up for me. When I got home, the tears would still be running.The bullying happened so much that when the end of the summer was near, my mom took me out of that school, and I was home schooled until graduation. My three siblings also home schooled with me for a couple years.That event was really the beginning of what I am today. I am very family oriented, I do not like being in groups, and I spend most of my time alone. In other words, I have lived a very sheltered life, but I get lonely all the time.Remembering the teasing and the bullying I experienced caused this to run through my mind, "This sensitive person is not getting bullied in school; he is getting humiliated in front of the whole world," and during the last part of the documentary, this suddenly came to my mind," I have to get more into this because, in a way that I do not understand right now, this has something to do with me."
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Surprises In Life
One chilly day, at the end of January,2003, a fifteen year girl stands at the Food Lion check out line with her mom. She sees a tabloid about Michael Jackson which is titled "Michael Is Dying From Drugs" and it refers to something about a bloated hand because of drugs. When her mom sees what she is looking at, she says that those magazines don't tell the truth. But still, the girl feels like there's something inside telling her that she must pray.As we go through life, we encounter certain things that, at first glance, we make up our minds right away that we will never show interest in them.The first time I saw Michael, he was in a music video called "Will You Be There." It was the theme song to the movie "Free Willy" that I was watching with my family. He actually scared me.The first time I ever saw a picture of Michael my reaction was no differnt from a "hater's," especially when I first learned that he had once been a black man. But the first time I heard one of his songs, I liked it a lot even though my mom didn't want me listening to it.There was a time I was interested in Elvis and when I learned that Michael had once married his daughter my reaction was the typical one,"Gross!"During the event that January day, as I read the first paragraph in the magazine article, I couldn't believe what I was feeling. I had seen tabloid stories about Michael all my life and had never felt anything for him before.After January, I started staying up very late every night on my knees praying desperately for him, not knowing that it was the beginning of what, I believe, was the greatest mission of my life.
Posted by mickeyz at 7:04 AM 0 comments
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Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Explanation
This book chronicles my six years of praying for Michael Jackson.You will read about how it began and about all the events that followed until it ended with Michael's death. You will read about the letter I wrote to Michael in which I tried to show him the truth and the reason for his actions.My intention of this book is to encourage those who feel like they need to pray for a certain person that is lost. That person could be anyone, a family member, a friend, or like me, someone who has nothing to do with your life, but you still feel like you need to pray for them, particularly a celebrity. If there is anyone out there like that, the only thing I want to say to you is," Do not give up because God's love does not give up."If Michael's family reads this book I want to say to them, particularly to his mother and kids, that throughout the entire mission, I was not trying to accuse Michael or bring him down. I was only trying to show him the truth.
Posted by mickeyz at 7:04 PM 0 comments
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Older Posts Home
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)
Blog Archive
▼ 2010 (8)
▼ July (3)
A Fan in a Haters World
Relating to a Celebrity
Give Into Me
► June (5)
Young Life Capernaum Project
Getting to Know Him
Surprises In Life
Explanation
Introduction
About Me
mickeyz View my complete profile
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