A Tragic Day

 When you are praying for someone so hard and long you expect that God will answer in his own way and own time, but he does not do what you expect, and it hits you harder than you ever thought it would, especially when you really did believe that God always does what is right. You also begin to doubt that God cared about this person or even for their family. We just have to trust that God knows what he is doing and what he does is for the best.

 The great Christian author C.S. Lewis states in his book Christian Reflections, "Whether by granting or denying God will give us the best, and not a promise that we will get exactly what we ask for."

 Another death was the last thing I ever wanted to experience when Michael died because three months earlier, one of the other masters students unexpectedly died from AIDS even though we prayed multiple times and even fasted for him to be healed.

 I did not know him very well but I took it harder than I ever thought I would.

 On the week that Michael died I was on vacation at Fort Lauterdale, Florida. The first few days had been spent having great times on the beach, going out to eat, and shopping.

 June 25th was a day I had been looking forward to at first because it was my parents anniversary. My brother and I were going to eat pizza and watch The Three Stooges together while they went out.

 When the cardiac arrest was announced on the News I was in our hotels' workout room with my mom. I was listening to Michael's Dangerous Album when my eyes suddenly fixed on the TV.

 When the report was over, I spent the rest of my workout praying. When we got back to our hotel room I locked myself in my room, flopped on my bed, and prayed even more.

 A short time later, I started calling my friends, who knew about my mission, and asked them to start praying too. Then one called back and told me that Michael was dead. I was afraid to go to bed that night because the last reports about Michael's spiritual beliefs had not been to promising. I thought that when I closed my eyes I would see the flames and hear Michael screaming.

 I had spent the rest of the day and the rest of the vacation watching the News and crying, "Why did you let this happen, God?"

 I was heartbroken. I had always believed that if I kept on praying everything would suddenly turn around. Michael was suddenly going to stop with the drugs and completely recover and become strong by eating more often. I just wanted Michael to stay alive so he could see his kids grow up. A pleasure not very many celebrities get to have.

 When Michael had been interviewed by Ebony magazine in November, 2007 he had said himself that he did not want to make the same fatal mistake that James Brown did. Which was wasting himself away on his work at a time he should have been making sure that he was healthy enough to perform. But I believe that was what happened anyway.

 This was the last thing I wanted to happen and I began to think that all my praying and everything else I had done, for the past six years had not been good enough. Though I knew that it was all I could do and I also knew that I should be grateful God had allowed me to do more things than just pray at least 20 times a day. Such as write him a letter and put my video to him on You Tube.